Tuesday, March 15, 2005

!

I had someone say this to me today.....

"You were worth the chase- Baby"

Made me smile!!!!

Monday, March 14, 2005

This Is The Life


My Sammputtz Posted by Hello

Old Friend

It is a beautiful day here in Portland, OR. All the windows and doors are open and there is a soothing breeze blowing through out the house. This weather always takes me down memory lane with my friend Kris.
Kris and I were friends since the first grade. We were the best of friends and remained that way until I got married seven years ago. We did everything together- during the summer we would drive down to seaside and sit on the promanode and watch the guys play volleyball. We would think up names for them- we didn't know them, but just watching from a distance they would develop personalities and we would pick names for them based on that.
We would go to movies and then discuss them for hours afterwards. Our favorite thing to do was go to Red Robin, and then around 11:00 p.m. we would go to Tower Records and dare eachother to buy something we would never buy ordinarily.
Kris and I would spend hours planning our weddings and who we were going to marry - whomever we were dating at the time. Kris was my best support during my BB days. She met him the same time I did and she was there through every frustrating and exhilerating moment I had with him. I don't know what I would have done without her.
We would laugh at the craziest things. We would drive down the road with the music blaring- windows down and laugh. We liked to find the ugliest car on the road and then give it to eachother, that is hard to explain, but if Kris ever reads this she will know what I am talking about.
Things changed and Kris stopped coming around- she met a guy and I didn't see her as much- she stopped returning my calls. We drifted apart. I heard that she had gotten sick- she was diagnosed as Manic Depressive. I tried to be there for her, but I really didn't understand and couldn't help her with what she was looking for. We went to a concert and half way through she disappered out into the lobby of the stadium- we had to leave early because she was feeling clostrophobic in there. I was fine with that, but she mistook my silence as a sign that I was mad at her. Things kind of went down hill from there.
I met Tony and we got engaged- Kris and I were talking at this point, but we weren't as close as we had been. I really wanted her to be in my wedding- we had talked about being in eachother's weddings forever- but I knew that she could get halfway down the aisle and see all of those people watching her and not be able to continue on. Plus we weren't as close as we had been- she was still distant- so I made the decision not to ask her- I did it for her own good, but I am still wondering if I hadn't made that decision would we still be friends.
Kris and her fiance came to the wedding- I am so glad, but she was distant and I don't blame her for that. I tried to call her several times, but she never returned my calls. One day out of the blue I received a letter from her with some pictures that she had taken at my bachelorette party. When I look at those pictures now I can see the hurt and anger behind the smile and I do feel bad. The letter was very hurtful and full of accusations. The friendship ended after that. Several years have passed since I received that letter and I still question some of it, but I have moved on. I have tried to contact her several times, but there was no response- so I let it go.
I miss Kris and our friendship- I miss the laughter and the history that we have. If she was to call me up today I would treat her the same as if we had just talked the day before. I am not angry at her- we all have our feelings and interpretations of things. I understand that life goes on and people change. I hope the best for her and maybe some day our paths will cross.
If you have a story about a friend that is no longer a part of your life- please feel free to share here.